Well, I started writing on a site called "Dear Diary" cause I was having trouble finding anyone to talk to, and sometimes not alot of people understand my random out bursts when I say them out loud. So I decided that starting a blog might be fun also, and maybe get a reaction from some more people rather than just making it out to be like an online Diary. So I thought I'd attempt posting some of my little random thoughts on here, and some of the strange goings on in my life, and just see what happens.
Perhaps I shall start by reflecting on today (god that sounds so pretentious "now let's sit quietly and delve deep withint ourselves!!) I was walking home from college, as I usually do, all wrapped up in my coat and gloves, grumbling to myself about how extremely cold it was and how my fingers were going to turn blue and then freeze and i'd have to have the cut off, and then how much work i have to do and how ridiculous it is and i never have enough time to work, go on facebook and drink!! I then looked up, and saw the most beautiful sunset in the sky. It was one of those ones that makes you feel really warm even when it's freezing cold. It was as if someone had thrown some orange paint at the sky and it had spidered out in a most beautiful way making the sky glow. Now that all sounds very sickening and perfect, but it genuinly was beautiful and made me feel all warm and tingly inside. It got me thinking, I get to miserable sometimes and things really get me down, I sit and moan and groan about the world and the state of my life and how horrible my parents are and how irritating smelly little sisters can be and how my parents never listen and how - well you get the idea. But at that moment, something was right in the world, and I need to maybe stop and take time to think, actually, I am quite lucky to be standing where I am, in that nice warm coat and those wonderfully knitted gloves. To know I have a nice home to go back to with a loving (if somewhat annoying) family. And I need to realise that, if something is going wrong, and going down hill, if I'm not happy with something or something is upsetting me, I'm the only one who can take action for it. It a friend is upsetting me, well, how are they meant to know unless I tell them? If school is stressing me out and i never have enough time, how am I going to make enough time? I take far too much for granted and realised that maybe next time everything is getting to me and everyone is out to get me I need to stop and pause and say to myself:
Name one thing in your life that is beautiful.
Name one thing in your life that you are grateful for.
Name one thing in your life you want to change.
Now how are you going to change it?
Name one thing in your life that is beautiful.
Sunsets, I could sit and watch a sunset forever on repeat. Next time i see one I might appaulded it it's that wonderful.
Name one thing in your life that you are grateful for.
My friends, though I've grown distant from alot of them and maybe find it difficult to speak to some of them, they've helped me a hell of alot and, cliche i know, I can never thank them enough, they are wonderful people, even though they are arseholes sometimes.
Name one thing in your life you want to change.
I want to realise that, when I put the effort in, I can do well and can succeed .
Now how are you going to change it?
I'm going to organise my time and give up some things that maybe i would enjoy so that in the long run, Ima get into that university I want to go to and to the best i can!!!
Maybe then things will seem better. And I don't want to sound all school teacherish on you, or sounds really pathetic and leave you a list of questions like "What's beautiful in your life?" But seriously, it'd be nice to hear what other people thought and felt, and then if I, or anyone else if having difficult finding something, at least then we can look at yours and see that there are wonderful things.
An awed
PoeticallyPathetic xx
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